So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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