You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
