dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
