Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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