are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
