There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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