so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
