i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
