Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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