Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize