He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
