He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
