Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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