my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
