roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
