Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
