i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
