it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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