so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
