I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
