I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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