Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
