She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
