the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize