3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
