his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize