I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
True college students do jello shots in the library
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
