I'm gonna have a badass scar
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
