Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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