KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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