you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she peed on how many people?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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