He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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