census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
