Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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