Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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