Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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