i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
