can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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