Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
