He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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