I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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