I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
