Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
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funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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