Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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