You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
