I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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