so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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