Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
