If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
don't judge my taste in strippers
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
