Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
