maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
