saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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