The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
