3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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