the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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