1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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