peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
