sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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