just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my shit smells like andre
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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