Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
