And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
