And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
