Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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