Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
