i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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